Like a Butterfly

Our class was coloring trees..and I thought mine was incredible! I used all of my favorite colors, and everybody else's favorite colors too, and I put little flowers all along the tree trunk and stuff. And butterflies on the flowers! But my picture didn't make it up in the hallway. Heidi's did and Laura's did and Hailey's did and Caitlyn's did and Aubrey's did and Mallory's did and McKenzie's did. They color sooooo good. And, their pictures are in the hall.

Cassandra came to school with a beautiful, brand spanking new, dress on today and we all told her it was beautiful...and it is...and she is...beautiful...(again).

Nathaniel got chosen to be in the all-school play. That would be a really fun thing to do and he is great at it! Teresa told me that she is taking piano lessons on Tuesdays...and Jonathan just got a violin and he can already play 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' and he just barely started! Luci said that her uncle might buy a horse and she can ride it anytime.

I look around sometimes, and see that everybody is special in my whole class and I wonder what about me. My art is not in the hall; I'm not all that beautiful (except to my dad, but that doesn't count...well, it really sorta does counts since its my dad...but... anyway); I'm not in the school play; I can't play the piano or the violin, plus, none of my uncles even own a horse for me to ride.

Margaret didn't invite me to her Birthday party (well, she did this year, but not the one before that), and last Wednesday at recess, everybody said that I needed to jump higher and then maybe I wouldn't have to hold the rope so much. I can't even believe that my tree picture is not hanging up in the hall.

Sometimes it feels like it is just me and then lots of air and space and then everybody else is talking and laughing and having their lives together and stuff. They know how to make the friendship string bracelet things, and how to twist their hair into a design, and how to sing all the words, and they probably all have gerbils, and I don't even want a gerbil. Its sorta like I am in a cocoon. Yeah. I got a Butterfly book at the library for our fieldtrip and it talks about cocoons. Wow, I just figured it out...and that is how it feels sometimes.

First, there is a caterpillar...and it just crawls along. If you find one and let it fuzzy walk on your arm, then it tickles! Then one day, when its just not sure about the next thing, it makes a cocoon and goes into it! And everybody thinks that it is just hanging there, doing nothing, for no good reason, but it changes in there, like it wants to be something more than just a caterpillar crawling along! Then it stays still until it is ready to be something else, some caterpillars stay a short while and some stay for a long while; they just get to make up their own decision about that. But the most important part is: COCOONS ARE MADE TO COME OUT OF! And after awhile, the cocoon opens and out comes a BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY! The slow little caterpillar turned into a Butterfly (soft like butter) and beautiful and it can fly! It isn't magic, because it is real... it is a miracle!

Okay for me then, today must be a cocoon kind of day. Maybe I WILL think of something great that I can do.

My mom must have noticed that I was kinda quiet during dinner. Its good to tell moms everything, because they were little kids too...a long long long time ago...but they still remember and so they get it. "Mom, I just think that everyone is better at things than I am." I told her about everybody else's talents, about the horse rides, being in the play, the violin, about holding the jumprope too much, about being beautiful, playing piano, twisting hair, making bracelets, AND about NOT having my picture up in the hallway at school. "She sat right next to me and put her arm around me, (that means she really really understands about my caterpillar/cocoon thing," Then she said, "Honey, is that why you feel so sad tonight?" I nodded my head and I told her how everybody else was already like a butterfly.

My mom spoke very softly, "Hadley...you will go in and out of cocoons your whole life. And each time you will discover that your wings become more beautiful. There are times for each of us to shine and to share our talents and to fly. And there are quiet times when we must decide what comes next. And I want to tell you a little secret about cocoons that they may have left out of your book." Her eyes were sparkling...and I could tell the secret was very important.

"When we are quiet, we can figure out our design and the patterns of life. That's the purpose of cocoons. But, when we finally fly...sometimes we get so busy looking around that we forget about our own wonderful wings!" (I didn't really get it all about the pattern of life and wings and things.) My mom looked at the question mark on my face and then she sorta giggled a little bit. I really like when my mother laughs, it seems like (somehow) everything is going to be okay after-all!

"But, Mom, what about how I don't have any talents and everybody else does?" Sometimes, I have to get us back on track, because I really really needed to figure this out.

"May I tell you what I see?" she asked, but she didn't wait for an answer because she was on a roll. "When you were telling me about all of your friends and about all of the wonderful things they can do...I could see your talent come shining through!!!"

"What?" Now I was really super dooper confused.

"Honey, you have the talent of appreciating everybody's talents. That has to be the one of the best talents of all! You were happy for Luci that her uncle got a horse, you liked that your friends got their pictures in the hall this time, you think it is wonderful that people can play the violin or piano, or be in plays, and you told Cassandra that she looked nice in her new dress. Your talent makes everyone happy! And even though you have many other talents, that talent is one of the most valuable in our world! The gift of lifting others' hearts. Talents like that are so special that they are called: Gifts."

Then we talked about a thousand things and then I brushed my teeth and put my pajamas on and said my prayers. Then my mom tucked me into bed and told me that I was such a sweet blessing in her life" and then she turned out the light. I almost felt like I could fly because I was so happy to have such a special and important Gift! And in the morning, I just knew I would be kinda like a butterfly, and I would share my gift with others. But that could wait til morning, because right then my smile turned into a giant yawn and I snuggled into my own blanket cocoon.